[C] 'Different?' Asks Bramble

[Snowstep]

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'Different?' Asks Bramble

Author's Notes: *sigh* i know this sucks but I'm seriously bad at writing of all sorts. =S

'Why does everyone look at me differently?
How am I different from the others?'
I've always asked myself that question,
And how I wanted to ask them.

Ever since I was a kit
I've noticed that I?ve been treated differently.
Like I was unwanted.
Unloved.
Hated.
Like I have done something unforgivable,
Like I have broken the Warrior Code.

I tried my best
To be a good kit, then apprentice.
I tried to help Tawnypaw as well,
To endure what I am also getting.
I tried.
I tried to be a good brother
and ThunderClan cat.
But nothing went my way
As my beloved sister finally left me.

We were told
That it was only our heritage
That made others treat this way.
We were innocent,
We haven't broken any rule;
But no cat understood.
The only understanding cat, Tawnypaw,
Have left me to face this alone.

I am training hard,
Also giving my life for the clan,
To prove to the other cats
That I am no different from them,
That I have done nothing wrong.

My mother encouraged me,
Though others did not care.
My mentor still doubted,
And even looked afraid of me,
But slowly
I know that I'll earn his trust.

I will do the best I can,
And even die for my clan
As a proud,
And accepted
Warrior of ThunderClan.


- Snowstep

[sakuwolf]

Readability: 9/10
It's was interesting. Just, don't use so names so much. I discovered the hard way(peotry project) that you shouldn't use name so much. Or else, it sound awkward.

Originality: 6/10
Eep. The classic "my life's only one hope has left me" peom. But it's actually very....uh... interesting

Overall: 75%
On the whole, well written, but I think you need to make it flow better. The only problem with this peom is that it sound kinda awkward.