[X] Evil Little Thoughts

[Lightningstar]

Title: Evil Little Thoughts
Chapters: I'm not sure. Probably around five or six.
Author: Lightningstar
Pairing: Quite a few.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: I'll only really say things that pertain to the first series, so at least be past The Darkest Hour.
Summary: Taking Warriors unseriously!
Beta: None
Cover: None

Author's Notes: My first try at a humorous fanfic! Hope y'all like it. :3

-- Chapter 1 --
In The Beginning

Rusty: So you really want me to join your Clan?
Bluestar: If you want to, I guess. *shrugs*
Rusty: Cool! I guess I'll come with y'all.
*The four cats make it back to camp*
Bluestar: Rusty's here!
Longtail: Who's Rusty? Is he the one delivering my meds?
Bluestar: No, Longtail, your medications aren't coming yet. Rusty's a kittypet.
Longtail: A kittypet! Why are letting a kittypet into the Clan?
Bluestar: That is an excellent question.
*Bluestar leaps onto the Highrock*
Bluestar: I have gathered Rusty from Twolegplace. He is to join the Clan.
Darkstripe: Join the Clan? He's a kittypet, for StarClan's sake! Let him eat his slop.
Longtail: He would hog all our food. And that kittypet collar, though quite fashionable, would make tons of noise. *Whispers to Frostfur beside him* Why can't I have one of those?
Rusty: Mrrrow! *leaps on Longtail*
*The two cats fight and Rusty's collar comes off*
Lionheart: *rings wrestling bell* Rusty is da winna, mon!
Longtail: Sure he can fight well, but can he sing and dance?
Rusty: *leaps up on Highrock* Come on everybody!

*signing*
Young man, there's no need to feel down,
I said young man, pick yourself off the ground,
I said young man, 'cause you're in a new town,
There's no need to be unhappy

Young man, there's a place you can go,
I said young man, when you're short on your dough,
You can stay there, and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time

It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A!
It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A!
They've got everything for young men to enjoy,
you can hang out with all the boys!

Longtail: Passed! He's good enough for me! *begins to dance*
Lionheart: Phat party, mon!
Ravenpaw: STOP!!!!!!!!
*Weird staticy music-turning-off sound*
Ravenpaw: REDTAIL IS DEAD!!!!!!!
Bluestar: Stop shouting!
Ravenpaw: I CAN'T STOP SHOUTING! REDTAIL IS DEAD! TIGERCLAW IS BRINGING HIS BODY BACK AS WE SPEAK!
Tigerclaw: Here he is. *drops body* Now where's my deputy position?
Bluestar: We must finish Rusty's ceremony first. *turns to Rusty* Well, I guess you'll be known as Firepaw from now on.
Firepaw: Whoopee!
Ravenpaw: Now what about Redtail?
Bluestar: He's dead, obviously. We need a new deputy.
Tigerclaw: Ooh! Pick me, pick me!
Bluestar: Umm….. Lionheart, I suppose.
Lionheart: Oh yah, mon!
*The Clan begins to do random things and they start dancing/singing*
Firepaw (to Graypaw): Are all of your meetings like this?
Graypaw: There's a reason it's called the HIGHrock, you know.
Firepaw: Ah, that would explain it. *begins dancing too*
Tigerclaw (muttering to himself): I will get rid of that filthy apprentice, and become deputy too….. how I'm going to do it, I don't know. I haven't gotten that far yet. Curse you, dead brain! *whaps head*

[Lightningstar]

-- Chapter 2 --
A New Apprentice

Firepaw: Can we go hunting again, Lionheart? Please-please-PLEASE???
Lionheart: Chill, mon. We can go out a-huntin' again sonna o' lata.
Graypaw: But we need to get Ravenpaw high on squirrel again so he doesn't fall into a deep state of depression. *puppy dog eyes*
Firepaw: Yeah! Exactly! *to Graypaw* Was that the best you could think of?
Lionheart: Alrigh', alrigh'. Let's go, mon.
*Ravenpaw joins them and they start out hunting*
Lionheart: Can you scent any prey, mon?
Ravenpaw: I SCENT MOUSE, AND VOLE, AND MOLDY LEAVES, AND CAT DIRT, AND A SQUIRREL!
Graypaw: Shut up, loudhead. *slaps Ravenpaw*
Ravenpaw: OW! THAT HURT!
*Crow flies away*
Firepaw: Now look what you did! I could have caught that crow and I could have fed the Clan!
Ravenpaw: WELL TOO BAD!
Lionheart: Chill, mon. There's no need ta fuss.
Graypaw: Get Ravenpaw back to camp before I spontaneously combust!
Firepaw: But doesn't that mean you go up in flames?
Graypaw: I have no idea what it means. It's just fun to say. *humming* spontaneous combustion, spontaneous combustion……
Firepaw: Ravenpaw, come with me.
Ravenpaw: OKIE DOKIE ARTACHOKIE!
*Firepaw drops Ravenpaw back off at camp and returns to the hunting patrol to find Tigerclaw standing over Lionheart*
Lionheart: Geroff me, mon!
Tigerclaw: Never! *evil laughter* I shall kill you, Lionheart, and I will become deputy!
Firepaw: You're getting it all wrong.
Graypaw: What do you mean?
Firepaw: Though Lionheart does die eventually, Tigerclaw doesn't kill him. A ShadowClan warrior does.
Tigerclaw: How do you know that?
Firepaw: It's right here, in this book. *waves 'Into the Wild' under Tigerclaw's nose*
Tigerclaw: Ah, I see. *flips through book* Here it is, right here……. Well, I guess I'll be leaving now. *Gets off Lionheart and goes back to camp*
Lionheart: Thanks, mon. Y'all saved me.
Graypaw: That was tubular! Now let's finish hunting!
*The three remaining cats continue to hunt and head back to camp*
Firepaw: Well, that was boring.
Graypaw: You can say that again.
Firepaw: Well, that was boring.
Graypaw: *sigh* Never mind.
Ravenpaw: HEY GUYS! GUESS WHAT?
Graypaw: What?
Ravenpaw: I FOUND A WAY TO SMUGGLE ROOT BEER AND M&M'S INTO CAMP!
Graypaw and Firepaw: Sweet! *rush to apprentice's den*
*All three get drunk on root beer*
Firepaw: I think I could begin to like Clan life……
Graypaw: You like canned lice?
Firepaw: Let's go with that.
*All three pass out*

[Lightningstar]

--NOTICE--

I am taking a break from writing this for a while, so it may be quite some time before the next chapter comes out. I've got a few chaptered fanfics on my shoulders, and it's not doing me very good. So just chill out, and stand by for the next chapter.

--Lightningstar

[Lightningstar]

I am discontinuing this fanfic. Sorry!